The children’s friends’ communication is a family problem as well as a social problem. How should parents rationally treat their children to make friends? Please listen to what parents and children think about this problem.
Give space, but don’t interfere.
■ Keep soldiers.
Shanghai civil servants
When my son was a child, I liked to watch him play with children outside, happy and carefree. Because at that time, parents often took it with them, and his children were basically children of neighbors or friends, so he didn’t worry about his circle of friends.
After junior high school, my son’s circle of friends has been expanding, and there are more and more new friends and good friends. It can be seen that these friends have given him greater attraction. After school, I began to grind and haw and went home late. When I got home, I stopped playing with me or even talking to me. I sometimes joke with him as usual, or make him talk, but he ignores me. Asked why, he said, "Your topic is so boring." I asked, "Then say something interesting." He said, "Nothing interesting."
Sometimes, in order to communicate with children, parents deliberately create a better chat environment, but unconsciously it becomes preaching, telling him how to make friends and what kind of friends he should make, but often after a few words, the child is impatient, feels distrustful of him, dissatisfied with his friends, or interferes with his freedom, and often ends the conversation with unhappiness.
I understand that an adolescent child is different from a child. He will change, have his own ideas, want to be free, want to be independent, don’t want to be constrained, have simple ideas, love and hate, and tend to "be near Zhu Zhechi, and those who are near Mexico are black". Therefore, for my son’s circle of friends, intellectually, I support children to make friends. Because children have their own psychological needs, their own range of activities, and they like to chat and play with friends, which is normal. To give him some free space, parents should not interfere too much. But in fact, I am worried that he has no ability to distinguish, makes friends carelessly, goes astray and goes astray.
In recent years, I have tried to understand children and try to understand them. But to be practical and realistic, for my children’s circle of friends, my performance is outward tolerance, inner worry, mental entanglement and psychological twist. It is really difficult to maintain a balance. I want to say, son, it’s not easy to understand you, and it’s also very difficult to be calm. I hope you can understand your parents’ pains, really make friends with them, and take your own path.
Weiyu arrangement
Know good friends in life
■ Ren Hongshu and Ren Shuqing
Grade Three Students of Yinhu Experimental Primary School in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province
Our twin brother will be 9 years old soon. We are inseparable from birth. My mother often tells my grandmother that we are like shadows, but we are inseparable.
Besides playing by ourselves, we have other good friends, but we seldom have the opportunity to meet our friends during the holidays because they are going to travel or have classes. This summer vacation, my mother gave us lessons in basketball, fighting and swimming. In swimming class, we met a new friend Xiao Chao, who often dived into the bottom with us and held his breath longer than anyone else. In the fighting class, we met a naughty 5-year-old little brother named Xiao Zi, who was beaten and cried when he practiced with us in "fighting actual combat". In basketball class, we also made a new friend. He always plays basketball games with our group. Mom said, let’s cherish our good friends and learn to be humble and help each other to become long-term friends, but we don’t have their contact information.
Later, we added five friends to each other with our phone watches, and we would talk about our favorite Altman in the watch’s friends group. Mom is our watch manager. She is always worried that we will make some strange and malicious friends, but what do we think is there to worry about? Mother gave us many examples reported in the news. She said that we should know something about online fraud, stealing bank account passwords, misleading children on online platforms and other illegal acts. She encourages us to find and know good friends in real life.
In fact, all the friends in our watch circle of friends know each other. We also told our mother that if we were strangers and friends, we would definitely ask our mother first. If this friend says something strange or bad when chatting with me, I will delete him. Under the reminder of the school teacher and mother, we have learned to tell the difference. My mother often said, "If you are near Zhu Zhechi, you will be black if you are near Mexico." She encouraged us to make more friends and learn to make friends with good character and easy to talk to. In fact, that’s what we think in our hearts. Let’s make progress together.
Hongyan arrangement
Timely guidance without leaving a trace
■ Yan Haiping
Police of Binzhou Public Security Bureau, Shandong Province
There are twin girls at home, and now they are going to the sixth grade of primary school soon. I didn’t interfere too much in the matter of children making friends, especially before the third grade of primary school. Children, what can you have in mind? You can play with whoever you are happy with.
There is a female classmate in the second daughter’s class. Because her mother and I are on good terms, the children have a good relationship. But this girl is particularly naughty. When she was in the third grade, she didn’t make progress in her studies. Sometimes she didn’t write her homework, and she always liked to make her temper. So many students didn’t like her and asked my daughter to ignore this female classmate. I said, what do you think? The second daughter said that others don’t like her, so I can’t ignore her, or she won’t have any friends. After all, we have been playing since childhood. Therefore, if the girl leaves the order at recess, the second daughter will accompany her and always regard her as one of her friends. Two years later, the girl stayed with her daughters in my mother’s house for a few days during the summer vacation of grade five. As a result, the walls of the house were scribbled, and one of grandma’s compact and lipstick was broken and the other could not be found. I asked three children, but they all said they didn’t know, but my mother retired and stayed at home all day, so I knew what was going on through many details. In front of the children, I couldn’t bear to tell the truth, so I educated the three children together.
Later, I gently mentioned the matter to the girl’s mother. She said that her daughter was like this at home. She often messed up her cosmetics, and even the hidden ones could not escape bad luck. After this incident, I didn’t say I wouldn’t let them play together, but when we talked, the daughters themselves said that if a person did something wrong and didn’t admit it, it would be related to quality. Later, I found that my daughters were gradually estranged from this girl.
I have paid attention to many educational cases and found that children who make so-called "bad friends" are often thirsty for the only friendship because they have no other friends and have a tense relationship with their parents, and few people are willing to listen to their voices. Therefore, after children come home from school, parents should chat with their children more often, and don’t ask about learning as soon as they come up. They can start with "What’s new in today’s class". Adults show their willingness to listen, and children are interested in talking and talking. At this time, if there is a problem, they can guide them in a timely manner without leaving a trace.
I firmly believe that if a family is warm, harmonious and loving, children will not feel lonely. Children with good personality, natural friends, strong selectivity, will naturally compare, identify and screen.
Those who believe in people will be faithful to them.
■ Yixi Zhuo Ma
Ninth-grade students of Lhasa No.7 Middle School in Tibet
My parents are very supportive of my social interaction and respect my choice of friends. I am shy, so I don’t have many friends, but my parents trust me, which makes me feel relaxed. My friends’ parents know each other, and sometimes my parents take me and my friends to get together.
I am not allowed to bring my mobile phone during school, so I will use my parents’ mobile phone for a short time when I am at home on weekends, and I just talk to my friends about my weekend homework, watch short videos after finishing my homework, and basically never send a circle of friends.
I like my parents’ trust and support, so I am very willing to share with them what I have experienced in school. Sometimes I have some unhappiness with my classmates and ask my parents what to do. Usually, they are very patient, and then tell me that friendship is indispensable, treat people sincerely, respect others and live in peace with classmates.
As a middle school student, we spend less time with our parents and more time with our classmates and friends. I think friends are the people we are most close to in our lives, and they have a great influence on me. But our middle school students’ outlook on life is not perfect. If we don’t pay attention to making friends, it will have a very bad influence on us. I saw on TV that some middle school students delayed their studies because they staggered their friends, and even embarked on the road of breaking the law and committing crimes.
In my opinion, another thing that my parents can rest assured about making friends with me is that I will grasp the criteria for choosing friends. If you have common aspirations, interests and lofty moral character, you can meet each other with your heart, treat each other sincerely, be honest, reliable and upright, because the most important thing for a person is his character, and of course, the same interests are also important. But if a person’s character is not good, even if he has more hobbies in common, it is useless.
In my opinion, true friends should be intimate, intimate and caring for each other. To maintain a good relationship between friends, we should first trust each other. As the ancients said, "People who believe in others are faithful to each other." Therefore, if you want to gain the trust of your friends, you must first trust your friends, and it is fundamental to treat each other with sincerity. At the same time, I should try to cultivate a wide range of interests and establish friendship with my classmates in various activities.
Our reporter Qiong Da Zhuo Ga finishing
Listen carefully and stay "online"
■ Wang Huizhen
Staff of Propaganda Department of Party Committee of China Railway No.20 Bureau No.5 Company
Around us, we often hear many parents share their true stories about setting up a "circle of friends" for their children. For example, do a comprehensive "scan" of children’s friends’ academic performance, conduct habits, and even their parents’ levels, circles, and views, and measure whether the door is improper? Household, right? Compare one by one and set an excellent "circle of friends" for your children.
We all hope that our children can make friends with excellent people, but children also have people with similar interests.
I remember when my son was in elementary school, he told me anxiously one day: "Mom, the head teacher talked to me today and told me to stay away from GP, saying that he would affect my study. But I just want to make friends with him. He is very loyal … …” I know that GP is my son’s best friend, but also a famous "poor student" in the class.
Although I have always believed that academic performance is not the only criterion for children to make friends, the "notice" of the head teacher really makes me uneasy. After dinner, I talked to my son about his good friend. "Do you want to go to college with GP?" "Of course." I immediately asked, "Would you like to help him improve his grades? If his grades are good, the teacher will not hinder you from making friends. " "I do!" So, for a long time, my son not only took time to help GP with his lessons, but also made great efforts in his own study. He said that he can help his good friends better if he is better.
At that moment, I was extremely gratified.
One day not long ago, I was watching the official Tik Tok of our company, and suddenly I caught a small video of my son singing and dancing. When I looked intently, my 15-year-old son actually registered a Tik Tok account, which also published many works of his self-portrait. There were classmates and playmates in the circle of friends, Xueba, who won the first place in the joint entrance examination of the three schools, and "scum" who was famous on the list and failed in many subjects … …
At that moment, I was a little panicked. In the past, the child who kept chasing his mother every day suddenly had his own "circle of friends". And I am not a member of the circle.
For my son’s "circle of friends", I always tell myself: give up the desire to control and guide it properly. I didn’t blame my son for opening the Tik Tok, and I didn’t blame him for not reporting to me. I just reminded him that he must be moderate in making videos and be more careful in replying to comments from strangers. I don’t restrict him from joining the "the glory of the king" game clearance group, but I will tell him not to add strangers as friends casually. I don’t restrict his freedom to make friends, but I will talk to him about what happens at school every day at the "heart-to-heart meeting" before going to bed at night and exchange my views with him.
Now, I have successfully entered my son’s "circle of friends". As always, listen carefully and stay "online".
Make friends who give positive energy.
■ Chen Yuange
Senior one students in the middle school attached to Beijing People’s Congress.
My parents have always been concerned about my friends, but they don’t interfere, guide but don’t interfere. I believe they, like all parents in the world, want to use their experience to help their children choose friends because they are worried that their children will be infected with bad habits.
They never tell me who you should or should not make friends with, nor do they instill values directly into me. They want me to have my own thinking and judgment, and establish the correct and my own criteria for making friends.
For example, they will ask me, "You like playing with someone recently. Can you tell me what his advantages are?" "What makes you want to be friends with him?" "You wish you could be like him, don’t you?" This way, I can see my inner standards when making friends, and I can communicate with people according to my inner needs in the future.
At the same time, they encouraged and led me to make more and better friends. Mom and dad often ask, "Are you happy when you play with your friends?" "Friends are very important to you. What do you think you should do to maintain a good relationship with your friends?" In this way, I unconsciously made some good friends who can give me positive energy.
Because of my parents’ inner guidance and letting go, I learned to communicate with children since I was a child, so I have always had a good relationship with my classmates at school. I have all kinds of friends around me, some of whom have common hobbies and similar personalities, and some of whom have good relationships just because they can talk. I think as long as I am a friend, I will cherish this friendship. For the intimate, we will communicate more, share our happiness and share each other’s sadness. For other friends, I will also listen, help or ask for help, while we don’t bother each other at ordinary times. In this way, I will not only be influenced by some friends’ bad habits, but also maintain good relations with all my classmates.
I think parents should not interfere too much with their children’s circle of friends, but should give their children the right to make friends. Too much interference from parents does more harm than good. Adult communication is more complicated, but children are different. Their friendship is simple and pure. It is obviously unreasonable to measure the friendship between children by the rules of making friends for adults. However, parents’ non-interference does not mean laissez-faire. Parents should be the supervisors of their children’s circle of friends, and once they find problems, they should help their children solve them decisively. In the critical period of children’s habit formation, if children learn bad behaviors when making friends with others and parents fail to correct them in time, bad habits will be completely formed in the future. So I think parents should not interfere, but should supervise rationally.
