Do these four things, and other people’s criticism can’t hurt you.
Original eclipse APP KnowYourself
Planning, writing/Ivan, anonymity
Editor/KY creators
After years of social beatings, I especially envy a person who is always calm in the face of criticism.
Even if the leader’s face is long and his anger is full, he can respond calmly. Being disowned by colleagues in public, I can actually be fearless and calm.
What’s amazing is that they don’t turn a deaf ear to criticism, but have a set of mature handling mechanisms-they can not only protect themselves from being hurt by criticism, but also identify valuable parts and help them grow.
On the other hand, in the face of criticism, I will only feel nervous and helpless instinctively. What’s more, you may do yourself a second harm, from being criticized to self-criticism and shaking your self-esteem.
No one can completely hide from the negative voices from the outside world. If we want to be a stable and powerful person, it is necessary for us to learn to face criticism calmly and make valuable criticism work for ourselves.
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The first step to correctly deal with criticism:
Identify those worthless attacks
Sometimes when we look back, we will find that not all criticisms are fair and valuable. Especially when the criticism comes from some pretentious or aggressive people, TAs often criticize you for criticizing you.
Another situation is that others criticize you for their own position and interests in order to control and suppress you. If we accept all these negative voices according to the order, it will only increase harm and frustration.
Therefore, in the face of criticism, the first step we should do is to judge the nature of criticism, identify those unfair and worthless attacks, and then completely ignore them.
They often have the following characteristics:
1. Double standard
This situation is very common in the workplace. At one time, we always thought that others would judge ourselves by our personal ability and objective performance, but in fact, the other party’s position and interest demands are also affecting ta’s judgment standard.
If you will find that the same mistake you made is unforgivable, and it is excusable to appear on another person, then don’t doubt that this is an attack on people and not things.
The authenticity and objectivity of this kind of criticism is extremely low. You are not really doing badly, just standing on the opposite side of others and unable to match the needs of ta.
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2. because of your behavior once, I will label you.
For example, when I was a child, because I was distracted in class, I was labeled by my teacher as not loving learning. Or you are too busy to report a small thing after work, and you are criticized by your boss for having a problem with your work attitude and bad work habits.
All these criticisms have one thing in common, that is, they sum up your single and accidental behavior as a shortcoming. If we believe this evaluation, our self-awareness and self-esteem will be affected.
3. Only blame, no guidance
Looking back, do some criticisms only say that you are not good, but they can’t specifically say what is wrong with you? We don’t have to take this kind of criticism that only blames and has no guidance.
Because it often comes from the subjective feelings of the other party, it is not controlled by us, and it does not have a practical correction direction. If you ask further with an open mind, you will also find that the other party can’t give a good or bad standard at all.
4. while denying you, you should also highlight that you are very powerful.
"Your logical ability is so poor that I wouldn’t make such a mistake."
Needless to say, the other side makes this kind of criticism more for self-satisfaction, and people who treat themselves as hammers look like nails. Such criticism is often exaggerated.
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It is certain that you are uncomfortable in the face of criticism.
But don’t be led by emotions.
Even constructive criticism is usually harsh and heartless. It is normal if the first reaction you hear is uncomfortable or even a little angry.
But such negative comments are often related to the truth, which is actually a test: can you face the real problems of yourself and accept the fact that you are not always perfect as a person?
The way to help us pass this test without being led by emotions is to keep calm.
A calm state can help us to receive each other’s information with awareness, let us always have a clear mind, mobilize our thinking to the greatest extent, see the current situation clearly, and give an appropriate response.
The more we lose our cool and let ourselves be overwhelmed by emotions, the more difficult it is for us to think rationally, and the behavior we cause will be inconsistent, which will not only reduce the evaluation of others, but also consume more energy.
For example, it is unnecessary to apologize desperately because of embarrassment or guilt, which will not only make the apology look serious enough, but also unconsciously exaggerate the seriousness of the matter.
If we fall into remorse and start to completely deny ourselves, it will consume our emotions unnecessarily and lower our self-esteem level.
Therefore, it is very important to remain calm. The calmer we are, the more we can control us by reducing criticism and help us cross emotions and reach the core of value.
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Every time I receive criticism,
Practice separating it from yourself.
When we can calmly face the criticism, the next step is how to absorb the information in the criticism.
It must be admitted that some criticisms are about things and not people, but in real life, it is easy for us to take too seriously the negative comments on facts given by others, or even take them as personal criticisms.
For example, others point out that you don’t have enough knowledge reserves in a certain aspect, but it sounds to you that the other party is insinuating that you are shallow; Or others think it is bad to blame others when you are in a hurry, but to your ears, this may become that you are a shirker.
If we can’t separate the negative evaluation of facts from the personal evaluation, then every criticism will do us harm.
Furthermore, even if your personality, emotions and other aspects are negatively evaluated, it is not personal. For example, adjectives like "pride" and "jealousy" are only aimed at evaluating one aspect of you, rather than judging "you" as a complete person.
Don’t expand others’ criticism of one thing to criticism of your own nature. We should learn to ignore such voices, let alone allow ourselves to attack ourselves like this.
Therefore, in the face of criticism, we should practice being practical and understand it more easily. At the same time, try to distinguish the part of negative evaluation that belongs to "suggestion", instead of focusing on the tone and intonation of the other party.
If you think it’s still difficult to do it, think of it this way. Even if others sincerely make valuable criticisms, ta’s perspective is limited. If we have something, we will change it, but if we don’t, we will encourage it. We don’t have to take it as truth.
Through such practice, slowly, you will feel that you are stronger in the face of criticism and have the ability to calmly deal with it.
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Make criticism more useful to you,
But turn over the page as soon as possible.
When you become more and more calm and able to deal with criticism, you may find that there are really some people around you who are sincerely providing you with objective and valuable opinions.
It’s not a bad idea to go back and discuss your feelings and changes with TAs after a few days or weeks of criticism.
In this process, you can learn more about yourself through the other person’s perspective and make effective corrections to your shortcomings. At the same time, you may also clarify some misunderstandings and mistakes made by the other party to enhance mutual understanding and feelings.
However, we must not dwell too much on our own problems and frequently find different people to discuss and answer our own problems.
Especially, it is difficult for you to change these negative comments when they touch your deep behavior habits and personality, which you are not aware of at ordinary times.
The best way is to give yourself some time to face and accept the fact that everyone has shortcomings and limitations. These will also help you to have a deeper understanding of yourself. You may try to change in your future life, or accept yourself and just avoid these hard-to-change behavior habits when necessary.
In a word, remember: no matter your mistakes or shortcomings, or your certain behavior habits and personality, it is not equal to you. You are more than that.
Original title: "Do these four things, and other people’s criticism will not hurt you."
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